Overland and Borders

The day starts as they usually do, guess everyone’s in a bit of a routine now. Up, coffee and banana bread with Craigie (how long do we have to keep eating it???)

I’m due to be at the Beith Trust in Geilsland’s main reception for 1pm and as you can imagine I’m sitting thinking about it from about 11am. This is the first time I have done anything since I went off sick at the end of May 2019 and my self confidence is packaged away somewhere safe and I can’t remember where I put it… that old story! Yes, I do hope I’ll find it when I least expect it but not sure I found it today. Craig could see it was festering so he asked me to talk about how I was feeling before I went out. The Trust had sent me a contract to sign to say I’d abide by the rules and a risk assessment document that they’d done for Covid-19 and reading it seemed to put the fear of God i to me. It took me back to processes, procedures, rules and expectations from work that my head can’t seem to handle these days… I was way over stressed about something so simple.

I can’t reiterate how simple this volunteering task was and yet you’d think I was setting off to climb Everest. I had to take 5 food parcels and deliver them to 4 houses with the only requirement that one person got a specific package due to food intolerances. Not hard? The dry food is in a box, the meals and soups in a cooler. Take a meal package and a soup package and add it to the dry goods box. Approach the door, put box down, ring bell or knock and return to your vehicle but wait till they get the parcel. So yeah the stressor is trying to control the spread of coronavirus so that maybe added to things a bit (check me giving myself a break!!!)

So….. list of things that went “wrong” or not to plan….

1. Of the 4 houses only one actually had a door number….. for someone who doesn’t know the area that well, that does NOT help!!

2. First person in a flat so I have to go in the close to find the door step… but doesn’t answer the door… what to do? back to the car and unpack it all.

3. 2nd person needs me to take it into the house and put it on the couch… shouldn’t have done that… but couldn’t say no…. where have we heard this before?!

4. 3rd person is the one with the door number yay!! All good! Meet someone I know in the street who tells me the first flat I visited is an upstairs flat not downstairs to back to 1st person…. while packing the box up I realise I haven’t been giving out the soup!?!?!? First persons delivered, with soup job done.

5. Not sure I mentioned that I am wearing a mask which is really for dust but in my slightly stressed state I’m struggling to breathe through it calmly and my mouth is sweating plus my freshly cleaned teeth and breath seem to be stinking…. nothing if not honest this blog… 😬

6. So back to 2nd and 3rd people with soup. Done.

7. Have to phone a friend as I don’t know where the last place is… find out, get there, remember soup. Job done!

8. Back to base to drop off the cool box and I think only then do I start to breathe normally.

So not sure how to explain how I felt other than flustered, dithery, convinced I’d fail, panicked I couldn’t find the houses, angry at lack of door numbers, scared I was breaking the rules…. so I have a way to go but this is an eye opener for me that I do still have to build myself back up. This lockdown is giving me a bit of a false sense of security maybe. I KNOW I can do anything I put my mind to but I just need to tell my mind that. Still it’s done now and I’m relaxing with a nice Nosecco. Funny how I came home desperate for a Nosecco to calm me down yet it’s alcohol free!!!!

We sat out until it got cold and I got burnt… then our local pub next door is doing deliveries just to a few locals so I offered to help with that… so much easier than earlier. Just waiting on our own dinner to arrive now! Can not wait for Lasagne and Mac ‘n’ cheese Gateside style!!! Our very own takeaway… ❤️❤️❤️

Sadly another 847 hospital deaths from Coronavirus taking the total to 14,576 in the UK. This still doesn’t take care home or at home deaths into account yet. Captain Tom Moore is now up at £18 MILLION RAISED FOR THE NHS!! We had a family friend taken into hospital the other day but thankfully Aunt Margaret is out now and tested negative for Covid-19, a huge relief. Jeannie is doing ok in her lockdown care home but they do have a number of confirmed cases. It’s all just a time game. We’re waiting to see how our world will change and it will have to change moving forward as social distancing is going to have to become a way of life.